This is the life-story of an incurably addicted person. He is not addicted to cigarettes, neither to alcohol and nor to drugs. He is addicted to computers. (The "he" in the story is "me").
My story starts way back when I was still in an immature stage in the 6th standard. It starts in the heat of summers when I joined Casio Classes to learn the syntax of music. But apparently, my compiler failed miserably in compiling the Casio program and I was branded as the Nalayak(Duffer) student in the class. My Casio still awaits me in a corner like an abandoned piece of code left till eternity to rot. I moved on – my dream to become music pro was labeled as an incurable bug which still shows its symptoms even today. The usual symptoms include me singing and people bearing.
In the meantime, the virus of computers was finding its way into school curriculum in the form of BASIC and other stuff. I did not realize the nature of Computers then. With the Dot Com boom, the virus made its first attack by influencing me to join a computer institute to learn Microsoft Office in the summers of 8th Standard. As the program had ran so successfully at school and summer course, I decided to dogfood this virus named "Computers" by bringing a computer at Home 3 years hence. That was just the beginning!
Lets fast-forward the story to a more recent time(since the middle story is boring) where the effects of the virus are significant. I decided to join Gym after hearing the cool functionalities of this program. But whenever I try to click on it, it says: "Program Cannot Continue Install. Not enough Disk Space is available". When I go to see the disk usage of my brain, it shows:
Computer.exe 90 GB
Music.exe 2 GB
TimePass.exe 5 GB
TT.exe 1 GB
Reading.exe 0.5 GB
Food.exe 0.5 GB
Movies.exe 1 GB
Naturally, I tried to delete the Computers.exe program. I get the error: "Access Denied. The file/program is currently in use. Please try again later". I, being a smarty-pants, booted in the Recovery mode and typed in:
C:\Windows>del computer.exe
Are you sure(y/n): y
Command or File not found
C:\Windows>
So, I was unsuccessful. You know, once I did manage to start the CollegeGym Program 6 months back, since it is smaller in size and the disk usage was less, but it aborted after 1%. It showed the message: "Severe Muscle Pain Encountered. Do you want to abort the program?" I foolishly clicked on Yes. I still regret that click! Apart from this, the virus does not even allow me to download a large number of files like Girlfriend.exe giving me a program incompatibility error. This error comes after I ignore the warning message: "This Program is a deadly Virus. Do you want to continue?", which I did not for a long time! There are many other such programs, but I don't want to bore the pants off you with the technical details.
I will once again try to install the Gym Program tomorrow, and post the results of the installation process later on. Wish me luck and tell me some hacks if you know them!
But there is an irony, the Gym program did make you computer like. I remember you messaged me in the morning before college:
ReplyDelete"I cannot move my arm beyond a point"
See, so can't robots. Gym'ing can get you to your true goal. The first human robot.
:P
But that is exactly the opposite of my goal
ReplyDeleteman, shift to linux, do anything you want, yum install girl-friends, yum install gym, no worry about viruses. And if they fail to run download the source code and build then ;). and yaa dont forget to do sudo rm -f computer. This will free up the space. :)
ReplyDeletegeek humor rocks!
ReplyDeleterefreshing as always :)
OMG, you write so well! Good i finally clicked on your blog link.
ReplyDeleteTry installing warmup.dll before you attempt gym.exe, else program is likely to encounter grave errors. :)
ReplyDeleteGym has a bug- associated program determination.exe gets corrupted in between the running of the program. Make sure you keep a healthy version of the associated program to avoid crashing of main program. :)
Gym.exe has lots of dependencies like ProteinFood.exe, PushingParents.exe and GoodRest.exe. However, Gym.exe has very high percentage of getting corrupted within 2 days of start. However, do not quit the program till 5 days of start when it starts to function again smoothly again. Pain.exe is just some initial start up jitter which paralyses your system for around 2-3 days but then automatically closes.
ReplyDeleteI know I suck at geek talk.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNope you dint get it. Look i'll explain.
ReplyDeleteYou are incurably addicted to anything that automated. Things like computers, gadgets etc.
So when you tried gymming your goal was something else, but the irony was you still ended up being symbolically computer like.
So incurably addicted indeed.
Thanks a lot guys for all the suggestions, will be posting my progress with the program installation later today :)
ReplyDeleteSir, you can also try sports.exe thats a scaled down version of gym.exe.
ReplyDeleteBut for that you need to first delete aalas.exe ("thats a hidden file in your startup folder").
A hack I've used successfully when I was feeling very lazy...
ReplyDeleteStep 1 : Give a friend 300 Rs.
Step 2 : Tell him that he is to give you back 100 Rs. only if you go to the gym.
So each time you go to the gym, you earn you money back!
Bonus Step: If you want to enforce a time constraint, tell him that the money is his if you don't earn it back by hitting the gym 3 times within the week [or put your time constraint here].
PS - I volunteer to help you out... Now send me some money ASAP! ; )
Progress: Have been using a scaled down version name exercise.exe in mornings which includes half hour joggings and stretching and pushups. So mohit, aalsi.exe removed :)
ReplyDeleteWill start Gym soon and nice hack Stephen :)